Propping up the bar at the Winchester Club
“A V.A.T. on the slate please Dave”
Terry’s still looking for a sub.
Arthur’s onto a nice little earner
Terry’s getting agg and the chance of an hernia
Minding the disco down some boozer
Giving him a slap but he’s onto a loser
Pound to a penny that he don’t get paid
On account of the recession in the used car motor trade

(Chorus)

Terry’s piling up the Zeds
Been up on a job all night
When all of a sudden there’s an horrible scream
And somebody’s switching on the light
It’s Arthur, Y-fronts caught in his zip
Brahms & Liszt an’ he needs a place to kip
Terry gets the hump with Arthur ‘cos he
Won’t go home ‘cos of ‘Her Indoors’
“She’d kill me Terry, odds on bet
I ain’t got the bottle; Ain’t you got that kettle on yet?”

(Chorus)

Checking out his stock in the lock-up
Arthur’s havin’ a fit
“‘Ere where’s them magazines with the ‘Erbets in the leather
and the bird with a whip”
“Do what?”, says Terry, “Who rattled your cage? You ought to be ashamed – a man of your age”
“Cheap jibe, Terence. Try to understand
Got a punter coming round gonna take em off me hands
Got a part exchange, claret from Japan
A vintage year, and he does ‘em in five gallon cans”

(Chorus)

(Spoken)
He’s alright, is Arthur
So he’s got a couple of Nelson Riddles going,
Who ain’t? Don’t make you a villain, do it?
And he sells the odd dodgy motor now and then
Well, it ain’t a crime is it?
Well yeah, it’s a crime, yeah, technically
But it’s a bit under the arm the way the (inaudible)
Sit on his daily giving him GBH on the ear’ole all the time
I mean, just ‘cos he happens to have done a bit of bird for petty when he was a saucepan
He ought to do them for inflammation of character I reckon
You know what Chisholm said?
He said “I know how Arthur Daley’ll die”
I said “How’s that?”
He said “He’ll fall off the back of a lorry”
Bit strong, definitely out of order, Know what I mean?
He goes turning his drum over, looking for bent gear
Finding it, yeah, yeah, but it ain’t a crime, it well yeah it’s a crime….(fades)

They’re not going to cause any problems as it seems nobody cares about what Howling Bells did before (which is both odd and a shame) but tracking these oddities down is like trying to juggle smoke – it’s a lovely idea in principle but…..

cheers,

ben