poison to the mind


leave it out

The sad thing about The Firm's records being so perfectly suited to their format is that it made them so easily forgettable. By the time Star Trekkin' came along, no-one remembered anymore that they'd already knocked the "novelty song about a TV show/even sillier quickie version on the flip" formula out of the park five years earlier. And with the demise of the 7", neither record is ever going to be much commercial use ever again.

But "Arthur Daley (e's Alright)" is still a great parody of ver cockernee knees-up pop pastiche (a decade too early for Parklife!) as well as an affectionate tribute to the glory years of George Cole and the full-sized Dennis Waterman on Minder. The B-side here was simply a "posh version" of the A, with the exact same lyrics enunciated in a faux-RP accent not much goofier than the geezer tones on the other side.

The Firm - Arthur Daley (e's Alright)
The Firm - Arthur Daley (He's Alright)

Yer 'avin' a larf, ain'cha? But look, if you're really keen, feel free to buy me a copy of the Umbrella box sets for Series 3 or 4 of Minder. I'll put up an extract of one of the Australian-exclusive George Cole commentary tracks as thanks!

Comments (5) Trackbacks (0)
  1. Just to mention… you didn’t actually say who the “Fake Indie Label(tm)” in question were… Maybe worth putting it in :)

  2. Now that’s weird! My comment appeared on the wrong post. Let’s see if this one works.

  3. I don’t need Chr!s Murphy ego-googling his way here! and mainly, I figure it’s irrelevant to any readers who weren’t in Australia in the early ’90s, since they’ve been eaten now…

  4. I would love to find a copy of this track. Googling for it brought me here. Pure childhood nostalgia. A friend had the 7″ at one time, maybe he still has it.

    I cannot find the lyrics online anywhere, probably because it’s so forgettable. But it’s going round in my head.

    Checking out the bar in the Winchester club
    No VAT on the sovs these days and Brian’s still looking for a sub
    Arthur’s on to a nice little earner
    Terry gets a slap…

    Alright my son hang about leave it out
    No bother as it happens it’s your shout
    Straight up ? on …
    The geezer with the bunny and the trilby hat
    Reckons he’s legit but it ain’t all that
    Arthur Daley little dodgy maybe
    But underneath… ‘e’s alright

    That’s all I remember.

  5. Chorus:
    Alright my son, Leave it out
    As it ‘appens its your shout
    Straight up, Pull the other
    In a right 2 and 8, hang about
    What’s the damage. Chief?
    Who’s your mate?
    The geezer with the bunny in the trilby ‘at
    Reckons he’s legit but he ain’t all that
    Arthur Daley, little dodgy maybe, but underneath,
    ‘E’s alright.

    Propping up the bar at the Winchester Club
    “A V.A.T. on the slate please Dave”
    Terry’s still looking for a sub.
    Arthur’s onto a nice little earner
    Terry’s getting agg and the chance of an hernia
    Minding the disco down some boozer
    Giving him a slap but he’s onto a loser
    Pound to a penny that he don’t get paid
    On account of the recession in the used car motor trade


    Terry’s piling up the Zeds
    Been up on a job all night
    When all of a sudden there’s an horrible scream
    And somebody’s switching on the light
    It’s Arthur, Y-fronts caught in his zip
    Brahms & Liszt an’ he needs a place to kip
    Terry gets the hump with Arthur ‘cos he
    Won’t go home ‘cos of ‘Her Indoors’
    “She’d kill me Terry, odds on bet
    I ain’t got the bottle; Ain’t you got that kettle on yet?”


    Checking out his stock in the lock-up
    Arthur’s havin’ a fit
    “‘Ere where’s them magazines with the ‘Erbets in the leather
    and the bird with a whip”
    “Do what?”, says Terry, “Who rattled your cage? You ought to be ashamed – a man of your age”
    “Cheap jibe, Terence. Try to understand
    Got a punter coming round gonna take em off me hands
    Got a part exchange, claret from Japan
    A vintage year, and he does ’em in five gallon cans”


    He’s alright, is Arthur
    So he’s got a couple of Nelson Riddles going,
    Who ain’t? Don’t make you a villain, do it?
    And he sells the odd dodgy motor now and then
    Well, it ain’t a crime is it?
    Well yeah, it’s a crime, yeah, technically
    But it’s a bit under the arm the way the (inaudible)
    Sit on his daily giving him GBH on the ear’ole all the time
    I mean, just ‘cos he happens to have done a bit of bird for petty when he was a saucepan
    He ought to do them for inflammation of character I reckon
    You know what Chisholm said?
    He said “I know how Arthur Daley’ll die”
    I said “How’s that?”
    He said “He’ll fall off the back of a lorry”
    Bit strong, definitely out of order, Know what I mean?
    He goes turning his drum over, looking for bent gear
    Finding it, yeah, yeah, but it ain’t a crime, it well yeah it’s a crime….(fades)

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